We are all in transition: on the queerness of change
Transitioning in this life is the most natural thing you can do. In fact, it’s inevitable.
The term “cis” first caught my eye while scrolling through Tumblr around 2008. The word didn’t mean much to me then. Only that I couldn’t identify with its meaning, and that I struggled with that fact. Couldn’t even use the word in everyday conversation in fear my very cis, very straight college friends might question use of such a polarizing term.
I was quite prudent in my language then, so as to not ruffle any feathers, or, you know, accidentally out myself as something too “other.” Instead, I quietly evolved into a louder, less fearful, bolder version of myself over time. And I assumed my journey was one of a select few. I did not give credit to my very cis, very straight friends that they too might be “becoming.”
I did this because I believed what society tells us—that queer and trans folks are the ones who must transition to become who we are. Not cisgender people. And because society is stubborn, unwanting of any divergence outside of respected norms (though progress and difference always win in the end) of course we buy this myth.
But it is a myth. Because who in this world is not constantly becoming more of themselves?
‘Cis’ doesn’t equal stagnant
As Octavia Butler told us, the only lasting truth is change. Change in the human experience occurs in endless ways, from growing older to finding love, learning from mistakes, and following dreams. It is not just common to transform, it is inevitable.
Yet, we’ve somehow reserved transitioning to trans folks. And we ask them when they’ll finish their transition as if life transitions ever end. We tell trans people that there is something deviant about their change. That expressing the truth of transness is a unique metamorphosis so opposed to “normal” changes in our world.
In reality, the only difference between transitions for trans people and of many of those who are not trans is the liberation in expressing often unsupported and unpopular truths. A change unsupported by the status quo is a dangerous gamble in the name of truth.
And with this gamble, trans, gender non-conforming (GNC), and non-binary genders teach us the power of divergence, the strength in challenging the status quo.
Black queer political activist and scholar Angela Davis spoke to this truth in a spirited virtual discussion with abolitionist group Dream Defenders.
I don’t think we would be where we are today — encouraging ever-larger numbers of people to think within an abolitionist frame — had not the trans community taught us that it is possible to effectively challenge that which is considered the very foundation of our sense of normalcy. So if it is possible to challenge the gender binary, then we can certainly, effectively, resist prisons, and jails, and police…
Beloved feminist and author bell hooks defined ‘queer’ as the self which is constantly at odds with everything else. So, even though we are all taught to be obedient to the rules of society, it’s the queerness of change that’s helped us move towards radical acceptance.
We’re all just one version of our becoming
We’re slowly learning the expansiveness of gender, and how it can go far beyond binary, western interpretations of masculinity and femininity.
With this evolution, we’re also discovering the queerness of change, though society has yet to name this shift. Still, as the world skews more towards liberation we’re blessed with quiet wonders like the new HBO series Sort Of.
It’s a modest yet progressive tale about a non-binary, Pakistani-Canadian millennial who, like many of us, is a bunch of clashing identities all at once.
In a heartening scene from episode 7 (which inspired this very essay), the main character Sabi (Bilal Baig) anxiously cuts bread while contemplating coming out to their mother. I’ll leave you with their friend Olympia’s (Cassandra James) eloquent response…
Sabi, we’re not so different from everyone else you know. We happen like everything happens. Partly because of how we’re made and partly because of whatever forces are acting on us. Everything in the galaxy is one thing becoming another thing and every person is constantly growing into another version of themselves, and another and another… We’re all in transition. It’s the most natural thing in the world.
You can watch Sort of on Max.